I am Confident

“I AM CONFIDENT. I AM SURE”

“I don’t ever want to lose that,” she said.

Lose what? I asked.

“That. That confidence in myself. That feeling of being free and sure. Once that’s gone, what else is there?”

I told myself I wouldn’t. I wouldn’t lose. I refuse to lose. Bondages compete. Competing for my fullest potential. Addictions, fears, attachments to things, people and physical attributes, even allowing my pursuits in life to bind me from enjoying the moment. The bondage to ideals - believing the lie that we can only be happy in certain sets of circumstances. I am giving attention to my bondages: just enough attention so that I recognize its presence and rid them from choking life from me.

I’ve decided that I will make a beautiful life for myself. I have bodyguards. They are my passions and pursuits. They protect my life. I take steps to make a beautiful life because if I don’t, life will decide. Life left alone is like an idle mind - the devils playground. My pursuits in life are not easy. Nothing worthwhile ever is. It’s scary. It requires a tremendous amount of courage, dedication and discipline. Continuously. I have a long way to go but who is measuring. I wake up everyday knowing exactly where I am headed. This strength is God’s way of transforming the pain in my heart. I am responsible for my life and the choices that I make. I decide how I will spend my time and energies. I no longer remain a victim of life’s circumstances because I saw what that did to my mother who lost confidence in living. It was heartbreaking to see my young mother asking me how to do things she used to do easily. She knew. It was in there. But the belief in the self needs to be fired up. Bondages to disappointment, fear, and self-shaming didn’t help her. Losing confidence leads down a dark path. I believe confidence and faith breaks bondages. So these I increase.

I am an active participant in my life. I love watching the things I can accomplish, things beyond myself. “I refuse to lose...” You fill in the blank.

Be an active participant in your life.

Journeying together,

Kari